Selfish
by creepweirdoloser
Summary: Roy also knew that he had no reason to be jealous, that it was completely irrational. But even when he kept on saying to himself that it was pointless, it just didn't go away. RoyEd


**Selfish**

**A/N: I was reading one of my notebooks and I found EdRoy dialogue… I had totally forgotten I had written it, I have no idea **_**when**_** I wrote it… but I decided 'why not write it again and publish it'…** **The ending surprised me. In the original dialogue Roy wasn't that angsty but… in case someone didn't know, I happen to love angsty!Roy (and jealous!Roy and uncertain!Roy ok, I love ROY… here, I admitted it!) so I just couldn't help it. And I have some fic where Ed and Russell are working together. I think they are working together in this one too. **

"I'm home," Ed announced and Roy snorted. As if he wouldn't know who it was, opening the door with _his own_ key and stumbling as loudly as ever. Roy glanced at Ed who was whistling. The fact that the 19-year-old seemed so happy always annoyed Roy so much…

"You're in a good mood," Roy said and took a sip of his coffee.  
>Ed was looking inside the fridge, trying to find something to eat. He glanced at Roy and smiled.<br>"Yeah, I am. What's for dinner?"  
>"It's nice how you're getting along so well with Russell. You two are having such a good time…"<p>

Ed stared at him for a while, then groaned and slammed the fridge door.  
>"Don't start that again!"<br>Roy raised his eyebrows, pretending to be ignorant. Oh, only if he was an ignorant fool…  
>"Start what exactly?"<br>Ed groaned even more loudly. "You know _what_! You _know_ I have nothing with that little shit, Russell! And I will never _have_ anything like that with him!"  
>Roy snorted. "Right…"<br>"Why can't you fucking believe me?"

Roy snorted again, staring at that same point in the wall. Ed groaned, walked towards him and forced Roy to look at him. Roy shrugged. "Oh, I don't know… you just seem to be so happy every time you come home."  
>Ed rubbed his eyes and shook his head as if Roy was talking nonsense. Yeah right, nice act he had going on there!<p>

"I'm happy because when I come home, I finally get rid of him and I can actually spend time with someone I want to spend my time with, _you_!"  
>Roy looked at it, who was staring at him pleadingly with those golden eyes.<br>"Hmh…"  
>"<em>Please<em>, let's not fight _again_ about this meaningless shit…"  
>Meaningless shit? "I think it's quite meaningful if you're cheating on me…"<br>Why Roy just couldn't shut up? Obviously Ed didn't want to fight about it. But how could Roy be comfortable when that same thing was always bothering him?  
>"Which I'm NOT! I <em>fucking love YOU<em>! But… I'm so damn sick and tired of you suspecting me all the time."

Fear caught a grip of Roy's heart. Ed sounded so tired… was he tired of Roy? Roy didn't want to lose him… he couldn't lose Ed.  
>"I can't help it if I'm jealous of everyone around you… I just can't help the fact that I'm so fucking afraid of losing you."<p>

Ed sighed. "I know, bastard. Look, I don't wanna lose you either. That's why you have to trust me. So can you?"  
>Roy nodded. "I trust you."<br>Ed sighed again, shaking his head unhappily. "No, you don't."  
>Roy knit his eyebrows together. How could Ed know whether Roy trusted him or not?<br>"Yes, I do! I love you and I trust you!"  
>"Roy… do you even mean know what 'trusting' means? It means that you <em>don't <em>suspect the one you trust ALL THE TIME!"

Maybe Ed was right but…  
>"I just want to make this work…"<br>Ed put his hand on Roy's head, petting his hair. "But you're ruining it. I mean… what happened? This, _we_ used to be so fucking awesome... But now you're accusing me of all this shit that I _haven't _done and it's just… fuck, I can't take it."

Roy swallowed. "So… you're breaking up with me?" He was afraid to glance at Ed but he had to.  
>"I didn't say that."<br>"But you thought about it. Well, that's fine with me, I just want you to be happy and if you can be happy with Russell then I'm – "  
>"Oh my fucking god! I can't believe you! How can you be jealous of <em>him<em>? I hate that guy!"  
>Roy knew that what Ed was saying made sense. He <em>knew <em>that Ed disliked Russell. Roy also knew that he had no reason to be jealous, that it was completely irrational. But even when he kept on saying to himself that it was pointless, it just didn't go away.

"Well, you used to hate me too, remember?"  
>"Shit, Roy! I never hated you, I only pretended to so no one would realize that I was in love with you!"<br>"Maybe you're doing the same thing with Russell, who knows?"  
>"For fuck's sake… Get a grip! You want to lose me or not?"<p>

Roy wanted to grab Ed, tie him up and lock him somewhere so that he could never leave Roy. But he didn't because he of all people knew that Ed couldn't be tied down.  
>"Of course not…"<br>"Then you better start trusting me and realize that you're the one for me," Ed said, determination shining in his eyes. Again… he said something like that. It just hurt to hear those words aloud because Ed was… Ed and Roy was sure he could do _so much better _than him.

"I just… don't get it. Why would you choose _me_? Just… why?"  
>"Because no one else can do. It has to be you. Even though you're driving me crazy… I just can't even think about anyone else..."<br>Ed pulled Roy in for a hug and Roy grabbed his arms, squeezing tightly. Even if he didn't deserve to be with someone like Ed, he still… needed to stay with him. He couldn't let Ed go; he couldn't give him a chance to find someone better because Roy was that selfish.

"Ed… I'm sorry…"  
>"I know. And you're so goddamn lucky that I can't let go of you."<br>Roy pulled away from Ed, looking at him, brushing the golden hair away from his face.  
>"What if I make this up to you?"<br>Because that was something Roy was good at. Making up so that he could – even if it was just for a moment – hide the fact that he was obnoxious.  
>Ed grinned. "You'd better."<br>"Get dressed; we're eating in a restaurant tonight."  
>Ed raised his eyebrows. "What, I thought you were going to make this up to me in the bedroom… I'm disappointed you know."<br>Roy smiled and kissed Ed's forehead. "Of course I will. Later."

Roy sighed as Ed smiled brightly and went to change his clothes. Why was it so that in the end Ed always managed to make him feel so good? Even though he was supposed to be disgusted with himself, with his jealousy and possessiveness and selfishness… but being with Ed made Roy forget all his nasty sides. If Ed was away from him even just for a moment, Roy remembered those sides of him again. So maybe… Roy should just be with Ed all the time. That was probably the most selfish decision Roy had ever made.

But perhaps… Roy would change. Perhaps he'd learn to trust Ed; perhaps he'd get over his jealousy towards anyone who even looked at Ed. Perhaps he never would. Perhaps Ed would just always have to put up with Roy's selfishness. Either way, Roy forgot about all of it as soon as Ed walked back, wearing his leather pants and a white shirt. And Roy could only hope that Ed would forgive him all his mistakes in the future too. Because Roy was sure that no one else could make him forget all those things he hated in himself. When Roy was with Ed… he could actually like himself.

Yes. It had to be Ed, no one else could do.

/**A/N: Fixed a mistake, thank you RiRi for pointing it out! 8)**


End file.
